When you're about to have your first child people with children tell you that you have no idea what is about to hit you, one hears horror stories of extreme sleep depravation and radical changes to your lifestyle. They scoff if you dare suggest you are ready - all you can really say is you know to expect the unexpected.
I think all this scaremongering is a little unnecessary and indeed if you following certain steps you can make life a lot easier for yourself.
Firstly let's address the subject of with the radical changes to your lifestyle. Being pregnant for 9 months is this is perfect preparation for the lifestyle with young children. If one day you're out having fun with your friends, going to parties and doing exactly as you please and the next day you're in the house and sleep deprived with a new born baby then indeed this would be a shock to the system!
As soon as you fall pregnant your lifestyle changes; consumption of alcohol ends, certain food types etc are out and for most part this means the pubbing and clubbing also comes to an end. As your pregnancy progresses and your size increases, performing routine tasks and trips out become more and more of a chore until eventually the arrival of baby becomes a blessed relief.
If you're lucky to have a supportive partner around then you will know that most father's only get 2 week paternity leave. Whilst your partner is on paternity leave they can take turns in comforting to the baby at night (albeit not feeding if you are breast feeding), this allows you to catch up on sleep. I don't have any family nearby and so for me the biggest fear with my first was my husband going back to work.
When our big day finally arrived and our son William was born it was the happiest day of our lives, but after a very long labour I was very tired. To make matters worse baby William also seemed to be a little bit muddled about what was night and day. As most pregnant woman will testify, unborn babies love to sleep during the day when you're awake and moving around, they then wake up and start kicking when you go to bed. Unfortunately this behaviour continues after baby leaves the womb.
Our first couple of nights did not bode well. Baby William was fine when being held in our arms, but put in him in his Moses basket and whilst seemingly peaceful he would begin to cry almost the second you moved your hands away. I remember thinking a 30 minute stretch of sleep an unattainable luxury.
You have two options you can become nocturnal yourself or you quickly show baby the difference between day and night, but how do you do this?.
After 3 nights with zero sleep and having to catch up on it during the day I decide to ring my mum for advice. With me being the oldest of 5 siblings my mother is quite an authority on the subject! She pointed out that babies' love routine. Like me you may have read some Gina Ford, I personally found it too extreme and restrictive. I do however agree with Gina that routine is essential and decided to introduce a watered down version of her credo.
Previously we'd been leaving baby William in the Moses basket in the lounge with us until we went to bed at around 11pm. This we decided had to stop and a bedtime routine instigated without delay. We decided 6:30pm would be his bedtime and every evening at 6pm baby had a nice warm bath. We would then take him to his bedroom, put him into a sleepsuit, turned the lights off, pulled the curtains and in a very quiet environment I would give him his pre-bedtime feed.
The first night didn't seem to make much difference but we persevered. The second night we managed to get an hour before William woke up and began to get hour long stretches during the night; a luxury compared to the 15 minutes we had been getting. By week 2 of my husbands paternity leave things were looking much better; on a bad night William was waking up every hour or so, on a good night he was waking up every 4 hours:
6:30pm bed 10:30pm woke for a feed 2:30am woke for a feed 6:30am woke for a feed
This seemed to go alternate nights. Since we were going to bed around 11pm I gave him his 10:30pm feed before we went to bed; meaning on a good night I'd only need to wake up at 2:30am and 6:30am to give him a feed. I was still concerned the about the bad nights however we persevered and almost miraculously the week my husband my husband returned to work the bad nights all but ceased. After a few months he was sleeping through the night.
I can't recommend routine highly enough. There is a downside in the fact you are not given any flexibility. Baby has to be home and in bed by a certain time; any divergence from the routine ends in a very upset baby and this inflexibility continues into toddler hood. I think this is a price worth paying if you want yourself to be able to enjoy some adult time on your own or with your partner and you want a good night's sleep.
Remember good sleep and spending time together away from the kids is also good for a healthy marriage.
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