Understanding Temper Tantrums And Other Negative Child Behaviors

Every parent deals with child behavior problems from time to time. Whether it's temper tantrums, aggressive behavior in children, or crying and whining, all young children misbehave.

When a child begins to act out in a negative way, it's usually an attempt to either:

• gain attention - if the behavior is annoying, your child is saying 'Notice me!'
  
• gain power - if the behavior is defiant, he's saying 'Give me some choices, I want to matter!'
  
• gain revenge - if the behavior is hurtful, it's usually because your child is hurting
  
• gain acceptance and encouragement - if the behavior is helplessness, your child is saying, 'Don't give up on me, I don't know what to do, help me!'

Understanding why your child is acting the way he is will help you know how best to deal with the misbehavior. This is one of the most important things you can do as a parent. So how do you know what's underneath the behavior?

Take a look at how their negative behavior is making you feel.

If you feel annoyed by what he's doing, your child is probably trying to get your attention. If his behavior is angering you or making you feel frustrated, your child is probably in a power struggle with you. If you feel hurt, disappointed or disgusted by what your child is doing, it's probably because your child is lashing out. If he's trying to hurt you or someone else it's because he's hurting. And finally, if his behavior is making you feel hopeless, it's because he feels hopeless. This is when he needs your help, your support and most importantly your encouragement.

A temper tantrum can be triggered by many different things, but the root cause is always some form of frustration. Either your child has found that he can't do something that he wants to do because he doesn't yet have the necessary skills to do it, or something hasn't turned out the way he expected, or you've stopped him from doing something he wants to do, or tried to make him do something he doesn't want to do, or he's simply emotionally exhausted.

You can minimize the frustration your child feels at this age, but you can't get rid of it completely - it's part of the learning experience. When your child is misbehaving, instead of reacting too quickly, take a few moments to find out what it is your child might be trying to tell you. And then respond in a way that will guide him toward better behavior.

Making sure your child feels loved and understood is the most important gift you can give him and the best way to prevent temper tantrums, and other negative child behaviors.